Contemplations...

I have been in a bit of a funny mood these last couple of days. I think it all began when I was invited by G - Patra's Place to have a look at some material she thought that I may be able to use. She had sourced it from somewhere else and was 'passing it on' to those people she thought could make use of it...

Obviously it had been someone's stash and as I went through it I wondered about all the hopes, dreams and aspirations that it held. Who ever owned it had carefully co-ordinated some of the fabrics which I was now turning over . What was their story? What was all this fabric destine to become? Was it bought on a whim or impulse - or was it carefully thought through - carefully 'stashed' over a period of time. Had it been lovingly cooed over? Was the creator waiting for ' just that moment' for the process to begin. Why wasn't it carried through? Mixed amongest the folds was a completed block - what was this the start of? Did time, desire and reason all run out?

It took me back to a time when looking through my own stash I came across various pieces of material that I had bought. For me in that period of my life it was like looking through a photo album - each piece of fabric represented an occasion or an event. And just as smells and music can invoked memories - so did these pieces of fabric. My girls as littlies, complete with their pastel, small print frocks, the jacket that I made the day before an occasion when I just 'had to have' something new. Here and there were parts of patterns pinned to fabric - some had even made it to the 'cut out' stage...

Since Saturday I have thought how my own life has changed in the recent years. I always described myself as having led at least two 'past lives' in this lifetime - as I have led some very 'different living' all within the same lifespan...

If someone would have told me 10 years ago what I would be doing now I would have thought that they had 'lost the plot'. I was so sure back then that 'this was how I was going to live for the rest of my life' that I didn't even contemplate that I would be living any differently. I cast my mind back to the life I lived, the friends I had, the beliefs that I had to be true... Now the majority of these are just memories - the life I live has changed - as has the location, the friends I had have mostly drifted away, and as for the beliefs - well I guess some of those I still hold on to - but a lot of others 'exploded' into fragments which disintergrated because the core belief had faded. And yet I feel closer to myself than ever before - as though I am closer to the 'real me'. Sounds corny I suppose...

I am a firm believer that for everything 'there is a season' - and that has led me to think about my 'current season' and what its potential may be. No one can be sure - as we all know - life can change in an instant. We can be shook from our complacency more quickly than we can think it.


My mind turns to a very dear friend who died suddenly four years ago - and how much I still miss her. K and I were going to be 'little old ladies together' and cause havoc in some old people's home in our twilight years. We used to giggle at what we would get up to - all those plans went in less than a flash as she too was gone.

I sit now watching the cursor blink on and off not sure what else to write. Perhaps only that life is fragile and we are given such a gift if only we recognise it to be one. We have the ability to achieve what it is we wish to - but with that comes with the desire, commitment,
perserverance and of course, physical excertion.

There is a part of me that would like to create something from this 'new stash' I have inherited - simply, that it may too reach its potential and not be wasted...