Butterfly dreaming...

The strange looking structure in the background of my butterfly heart is the gate which I mentioned a entry or so ago. All of a sudden this piece has come together - although it looks far from finished - but in actual fact it is well within sight of the final stitch. While I have been 'playing' around with this heart there has been an elusive 'something' buzzing around in my brain which I couldn't quite catch it was always just out of reach. Then last night it 'happened' - my daughters were looking through photos from a few years ago - when out from one I saw myself and a very dear friend who has since passed away. It was one of those moments that one can't predict and I felt my breath catch in my throat and tears not far from the surface. While K has been gone now for over four years the grief was just as sharp seeing her smiling out from that photo. She was a beautiful person who whose warmth and generosity of spirit made you feel blessed to have her as a friend. I had also mentioned that this piece had made me think of the word 'freedom' and there had been another word which I think had been prompted by my 'leafy' thing in the foreground. It was the word 'remembrance' which I think had come to me as had been watering my rosemary plant the other afternoon and I was looking at its foliage - rosemary for remembrance. I couldn't for the life of me think why I kept putting the two words 'freedom' and 'remembrance' together but after last night it became clear. I had always seen K as free - like a butterfly and that I remembered her as that beautiful person whose life I had the priviledge of being a part of. And yes, she has gone through a gate I haven't come to yet. I know that she would be more than happy to see where I have come to in my life - we had shared many things in the eight years I knew her - and had planned to share many, many more. I have always seen the butterfly as a symbol of 'transistion' and of the soul - so perhaps it is fitting that is how I chose to remember my very dear friend.

As I write this I feel a sense of wonder - that stitch by stitch this piece has come to life and by its creation I have come to make something that has meaning for me and in its own way been part of a grieving process which I have been able to 'ground'.

As I began the gate I felt that I wanted to add some little bees buzzing overhead - perhaps to symbolise 'that life goes' on and also the word 'remembrance' to indicate that one doesn't 'just forget' no matter how much time passes. My heart will be complete then...