The Letter

'There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, It will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is; Not how valuable it is; Nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, To keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching. And makes us more alive than others.'

- Martha Graham -in a letter to Agnes DeMille


I found this while blog surfing... I thought how relevant it was and very much like a comment I made to my art tutor when I was doing a mature age study stint years ago...

It also seems to be a consistant theme, expressed one way or another, which runs through the many blogs which I read... Creative expression which every way that the 'channel' wants to express it drive the individual onward... And I can understand partly, when it is not translated into some physical medium, why the 'channel' becomes despondant...

I have read the passage many times since finding it and each time gleaned a little more understanding from it...

I am back...

...after nearly a month... Not that I really went anywhere physically... No fishing hole - just time out... I just felt at the time that I really didn't have a lot to say and I guess my rule of thumb is when I am not sure of what to say I don't say anything... I am still not sure that I do have anything to say but other than deleting the blog altogether, I will perservere for awhile longer...

As you may have noticed a slight name change... I decided that I no longer had a 'blank page' but rather a page that has 'a few added scibbles'... Before I had my 'time out' I was considering changing my blog - perhaps expanding its content to other things which appealed to me... I think one of my difficulties is that I am an average stitcher who is very slow and I don't have an abundance of things to talk about as do the other stitching blogs... And so I thought that if I made this into more of a general blog which features an update on my hobbies from time to time it would offer more scope... I am not sure however if this will still fit into the parameters of the ring, if it doesn't then I shall resign or whatever one does... Again only time will tell...

I have continued to read other people's blogs and marvel at what they can and have accomplished... I am also amazed at the sense of community which has come together via the ring.. It too, seems to have 'grown like topsy' with a continual 'opening door' of like minded strangers who soon become friends...

As for my own creative journey it seems to still be languishing in the doldrums and I am unsure why it is... Partly due I think to my health, which just seems to lurch from worse to more worse... I wouldn't not have thought, had I not experienced it how debilitating chronic sinusitis is... I feel so tired all the time and that in itself is exhausting... Whilst I try to put it all into perspective it is difficult when just breathing becomes an effort... My doc has treated it with all sorts of things but to little or no avail. I think the removal of the nasal polyps will hopefully be some of the answer and then to track down the allegen which created them in the first place for a complete picture and lasting relief. All this of course takes time... I am concerned to the amount of cortisone I am taking via tablets and asthma puffers but I am assured that it is small compared to other complaints. However for someone who four years ago took a panadol only under extreme duress it seems a lot...

Unfortunetely my stitching has suffered, although in saying that I have found a beautiful cross stitch called Day Surrendering to Night which appeals to me greatly. A few years ago I wrote a short story when I was attending a creative writing course and my theme was the same as the image depicted in this cross stitch. I am toying with the idea that this cross stitch could be my 2006 major project... Who said that???? Me???? Noooooooo.....

But on a brighter note I have a new job... As close to my dream as I would have thought possible. I am now working in a bookshop. No big deal for some people but it compares to winning a lottery for me. As my daughter pointed out today as we were browsing in a bookshop on my day off that I am truly and unashamedly addicted to books. I have loved books ever since I can remember - there is even a photo of me aged about 12 months old engrossed in a picture book. So my love affair has been a long and passionate one. No matter how many bookshops I look through there is always the next one to discover... Whether they are new or secondhand I love them all. Of course one would never go short of something to read in my house either, books are like stray dogs, they follow me home and I 'feed' them all.

I once thought that my love of books came from my interest in writing but I am more inclined to believe that I found my interest in writing because of my books. I can remember walking home from primary school with my head stuck in a book and I can recall been transported from quite a lonely childhood into other worlds which were brimming with possibilities. Like all children I made up stories that closely resembled my favorite book or characters at the time. I always thought that I might write too, but I these last few years have reassessed that and believe I just want to engage people with writing and stories and ultimately books. Yes, I know that one picture is worth a thousand words and nothing beats having the experience but I believe we can still learn much through the written word and for some it can articulate their own experiences. How many times has someone read, whether it is a single sentence or a complete text, something which resonates for them, identifies or even confirms their own experience, beliefs or exsistence.

And you who may be reading this, can see that I am quite besotted... So I am now a book seller type person and for the first time in a very long time feel that I am in the right place with people who are my own kind. I am very excited and I believe this could be the beginning to a different life. And the posibilities with all those needlework, craft and art books yet to be discovered via the computer's catalogue system... Oh what sweet agony - what to choose next!!!!!

...but I will be back soon...

Today...

... G from Patra's Place came visiting. I suggested to her that we might go to a couple of op-shops I had seen but never visited ... She didn't need any second invitation and off we went in her little blue car... We spent an enjoyable time browsing with G finding yet another table cloth to add to her collection. At one stage we had the ladies of the store madly sorting through a box which had newly arrived to see if there was something that G may be interested in. I of course had to 'scan' the books just to see if there wasn't a title or two that may take my fancy...

We both commented on the amount of stitching that seem to end its days in op-shops. In particular one largish, framed cross stitch which had been stitched with nursery type animals obviously for a small child. G and I both wondered why someone would give it away when it looked like it had taken quite a bit of work. I silently hoped that it would find a good home...

We then came home for some lunch and 'catching up'. I looked at G's 'stuff' and she looked at mine. It was a nice way to spend a wintry Melbourne day... Thanks G!!!!

And I think...

... that all this reading and looking has made me feel a little disgruntled with what I do... Why? I think I feel like a kid who has stood outside the lolly shop with her nose pressed against the window for so long that now I have access to the 'inside' I don't know what to do first... I am simply overwhelmed by the possibility of it all. That and having so little 'real' time to do it... Perhaps it is time for me to take stock and decide. But decide what?

It has happened finally...

... I have 'blogged' myself out. In the last while I have read and read and read and then, read some more. I have 'clicked' and 'skipped' to so many new sites and then travelled around the world without leaving my front door. I have looked at so much that everything I have seen has merged into a constant revolving kaleidoscope overflowing with colours and shapes. And I am exhausted!!!!! I am overfull, on the richness and vibrancy of what people create... I should have pushed myself away from the comp long before I did. Now I am suffering from 'over exposure'. My own fault I know...

Success...

Well, they probably wouldn't stand up to the scrunity of a 'professional' stitcher but they are a start... What am I talking about? My french knots of course. After feeling somewhat frustrated after my last efforts I decided in that I would have another go - as you do... So in the midst of cleaning up I sat down amongst the 'rubble' and took up the needle once again... And bingo they worked!!!!! So I went onto do five in a row... Now as I said they aren't by any stretch Embroidery Guild standard - but they are there in the place they are meant to be and looking somewhat like what they are suppose to... I guess at looking at them compared to the rest of the stitching - they match - rustic!!!! I will post a picture when I have completed the next bit...